ypsilanti's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- some people like to go out dancing, other people they have to work. there's even some evil motherfuckers who gonna tell you that everything is just dirt. isn't today the day something important is supposed to happen? just got back from singing and playing guitar on your songs. thank you so much for the oppurtunity. i kind of feel like i suck at everything, but then i realize that wether that's true or not is irrelevant and kind of conceptual/contextual anyway.. it's more important to do things than to do them any certain way, and perfection is a long-running urban legend.. but we know all that, right? like, inevitably someone will mention a record that i put out that was lame or talk about a band i used to be in that sucked or sounds pretty dated and thoughtless now, or make fun of something stupid that i wrote in one of my old zines, or bring up something i said at a lovesick show that didn't make any goddamn sense or just generally mock or make light of any of the mistakes i have made in the form of a public expression. and i always feel bad, like i'm just another fool trying for no reason, or spewing out all this stuff that seems kind of rhetorical or just laughable, calling it my (he)art, you know?? but then i'll consider it, and most of the time the people who have some sort of negative critique of something i once did don't have anything to lose because they have done nothing that can be similarly critiqued. no risk taken, no place to stand or to fall. i remember i used to take it so hard, like i felt so invalid and ridiculous when people made fun of stuff i did that i had worked hard on or that really meant something to me. i remember once when you made that flyer with the skulls all over it, for that big show.. it said "Grind your fuckin' Head!!" and you sincerley meant it, skulls and all. we put up about 200 of those bright neon green motherfuckers. and all i remember was how mad you got when he made fun of it, saying "Like i'm really gonna go to 'Grind Your Fuckin' Head' ha!" and you were fuming.. always asking "what has HE done? what has he ever done?". just go. go.go.go.go.go. do not ever stop and do not ever stand still and do not ever ask yourself questions like "is this worth it?" or "what are they going to think?" or "is this good enough?" it does not fucking matter. go.go.go.go.go.go.go. things are saying, things have been said, all around the world, things are forming. i don't know exactly what to do about the way the wind blows, and the flags it flys wether it wants to or not. or if i'm ever going to talk to you again, and feel like i want to be there, like my words are coming through, like they'd ever matter to you, ever did? i ain't saying you treated me unkind. you could have done better, but i don't mind. you just kind of wasted all my prescious time. but don't think twice, it's alright. "you are the most beautiful person in the entire world. i am being one hundred percent serious." you are so much cooler than me. ******* listen to: retsin, northern song dynasty, bob dylan, velvet understand, sandie shaw, whoever sang "They Talk About Us". 12:40 a.m. - 4.10.01 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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