ypsilanti's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i have special powers. they are going to save me. all my heroes either slept two hours a night or killed themselves or both. looking good. i just dropped you off at the bus station, and it's gonna be cool for you out there. don't look back, like dylan in the movies, in the song about the film about dylan, about not looking back, about her having everything she needs, and being an artist and not looking back. anyway, don't. do it right and don't look back. and don't be a dad. and quit being so fucking sad! just kidding. the sadder you get, the more i like you. whoever and whatever and wherever you are. you know what you're doing. just kidding, you should really be happier and like yourself, your life a lot more than you do. do you still want to come to my party? you may not belive this, because it seems like disbelief, doubt or just plain negation of sentiment is your thing with me.. (like how many times did i try to tell you something true and important to me and you either looked away, didn't reply or outright laughed as though it was the most ridiculous thing, to try to express something and be taken seriously..) i know you got no real way to believe me or believe in the things i say, but you gotta at least hear this.. all i ever wanted was to see you happy. not even me see that you were happy, but just really know and be sure that you were fulfilled and doing well, better, feeling joy and feeling alive. there are a lot of things that you could assume i wanted from you, and they would all be wrong. when i first saw you, you had on blue jeans, and your eyes couldn't hide anything. you seemed like there was something really important missing or maybe lost or maybe just buried under the weight of how lives shift, and how much it hurts when your life grows and changes in ways you would never have expected. without using any sort of words, i knew that you were someone important, and i knew that if i could somehow help contribute to your happiness, i would be happier, and the world would be a better, more beautiful place. on many levels, this is all i really want from anyone i know. i'm glad you're happy. stay that way for as long as you realisticly can. i walked around and breathed the air, and made up words to a million songs. it's still cold. i can't tell what's real or a fake dream. remember that time when you were like "do you want to hold hands?" and i kind of shrugged and said "should we?". i mis-spoke. what i was really trying to say was "more than i want almost anything in the world." do you want to come to my party? do you still want to come to my party? do you (I have been awake since August 6th, 1976.)still want to come to my party? do you still want to come to my party? it's ok if you don't, i understand. goddamnit, hold on. there's another call. hello? ring ring. say hello, cookie. someday soon the flowers are going to start to bloom, and when they do, i'll be looking for you. ******* listen to: neil young 9:26 a.m. - 4.18.01 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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