ypsilanti's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- run run crying i might have told y'all about how me and my mom share a lot of favorites in music. it helps that she got me into a lot of stuff when i was growing from a child to an older child, and especially when i wasn't yet totally born, she would play me james taylor and bob dylan songs through her stomach into my forming ears. one of her and my favorite bob dylan songs has this amazing line: "people see me all the time and they just can't remember how to act. their minds are filled with big ideas, images and distorted facts. even you, the other day, you had to ask me where it was at. i couldn't believe that after all this time you didn't know me any better than that." god damn. so pinpoint perfect in so many ways. thanks mom. thanks bob dylan. i realized something, with help. just like isolation is compounding and lack of friendship just furthers more lack of friendship, this specific type of depression i sometimes got going is also a compounding thing. i realized that in the times when i was happy and joyaling and running around like an idiot doing whatever the fuck, just totally happy, oblivious and ramshackled, nothing got to me. i wasn't hypersensitive to people's mean comments or weird vibes, and i felt like it happened a lot less. in truth and fact, it probably happens as much now as it ever did, but because i'm not happy, i take things way too personal. because i take everything so personal, i remain unhappy. it could go on forever. but i'm glad to have made some sort of connection there and maybe i can go forward with it. the last few days have been crazy at work, i almost forgot to go play a show last night. i didn't forget, but i did kind of get in and then get right out. tonight after work i tried to watch part of "hollywood shuffle", but got a little drifty. i cleaned up the basement so that it might be a better practice space/recording world. it looks like some sick sort of shrine. i took a walk around the west side of town, and i thought and sang out loud. i'm freaking out, getting so excited and anxious to see andrew tommorow. i can't even put it into words. it has been difficult to miss my friend so much, but at the same time be so fucking overwhelmed with joy and pride and fucking flat-out merriment/glee to see everything that's happening for him. aaron went to the show in chicago yesterday and said it was so beautiful and amazing, said it was a vibe of total happiness, togetherness, positivity. i can see it. andrew was at one point the only person i would talk to, the only one i would hang out with. sometimes for months. he's definately one of the people who's made me laugh the most in this life, and one who's brought a lot of learning and times of understanding (easy and difficult) to me. it's hard to not talk to the brother for more than a year. i can't really talk about it without sounding a little slow in the head, but i swear, part of me will feel complete, just to see my friend again. in wazoo after work, i flipped through the 7"s and found the one copy of the new adult. limited edition single. everywhere is sold out of that shit. scott didn't even think they had it, and i think he got a little envious when i bought it. it's so good, too! totally something i'll hold on to for a long time. tonight is probably a big one at the bars, saint patrick's day and all. i'm celebrating another week without alcohol, sugar, dairy or caffeine. no wonder i'm sleeping all the time. get up. do it. do it. there's no reason not to. listen to:andrew wk. soledad brothers. adult. cyrkle. 12:54 a.m. - 3.18.01 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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