ypsilanti's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i get so excited everybody's leaving but i don't want to go. maybe i'm on some peter pan shit, trying to stay a child forever, mostly by avoiding growth. emotional growth, spiritual, economical, interpersonal, dental? what if dental growth was the only kind of personal development i was interested in? you would see me walking down the street, and i would have some huge fucking teeth. things were getting rough but it seems like "things getting rough" is old news. when i was real young, like maybe five or six, i would pretend to be filming movies with my eyes, complete with slow fade ins by opening my eyes real slowly and blurring my vision. i would just do it all day, creating little fictional narratives in my mind to accompany whatever was taking place in my six year old life. the problem was that these "movies" were so fucking boring that even i (the director and cinematographer) would become distracted and forget they were happening. i feel a little like that now. am i waiting for something to switch over and reveal this fantastic life where everything is exciting and sweet and all my friends and sweethearts make perfect sense to me, and nothing is mundane or confusing or sad? like i was waiting for some cool footage to happen in my eye movies? but then i think... what the fuck, dude? are you really losing sight of the limitless beauty, romance and hope of the world? through every difficulty and non-joy and lame time, there's something better happening congruously that is form-fitting, sweet, joyual and clear. most likely being ignored in a self-pitying stupor. bicycle bells. open air. broken eye. left eye rest in peace. your work here was not for nothing. goodnight, friends. 2:08 p.m. - 5.2.02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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