ypsilanti's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- last night a gj saved my life oh holy fuck. last night i saw one of my favorite bands. i feel like a dithersome little schoolkid leaping around with a copy of Tigerbeat or something, but let's face the facts: Belle & Sebastian is one of my favorite groups. Four years ago when Matador was sending me copies of everything they released because i'd won them over with my shitty indie-rock critique fanzine "Ansul Pull", i got a copy of "Boy With The Arab Strap" and scoffed out loud at it's limp-wristed faye-ociousness, writing a review (that never even made it off the computer and onto paper, much less into the next issue of my zine that never happened) that likened their music to the Housemartins and was all stuck-up "ladeda,whateverdude,youknowwhati'msayin' i'mallintomoreintenseshit,dudemanlikeyou eveerheardofthelocust?fuckman,theydestroythisweakbullshitwhateverdude." ...but somewhere inside i was intrigued, and the years that followed found me more and more intrigued, then in a full state of acceptance, leading to appreciation and an arc of adorance. last night was the real deal, and in continuing facement of facts, let's consider this: first ever Detroit appearance. first time in Michigan? i think so. two hour set. all favorites played, with the exception of any material off of Tigermilk, buuuuuuuttt we heard an unexpected "String Bean Jean", a touching "Fox In The Snow", (reminding me of Tony and making me sad that i had to cancel the saturday part of the saturday looks good to me/aloha show going on in Grand Rapids right this minute) a near life-affirming "Dylan In The Movies", fucking over-the top Supremes and Zombies covers and ending things right with "Get Me Away From Here I'm Dying". to the hundreds and thousands of other beautiful people gathered there, i felt some strange and unreachable group consciousness, like we were at a graduation. complete with out-of-state visitors! Ryan and Aubree from the half-seas of Louisville made it up to see the show and spend a great day and a nice sleepy morning in the greater Detroit area. their presence was inspiring and joyal. without sounding too melodramatic, it's fair for me to say i've been thinking about the way things cycle through. four years is the way it goes, i think. in many ways, the belle and sebastian show might have been some sort of graduation. 1990-1994 i went to high school, graduating in the dead center of my dead, uncentered class. 1994-1998 found me in the grip of some sort of dorm life, mostly sleeping in the rooms of girlfriends who were actually attending their classes, making something of it. even long after i had dropped out of college and signed on into record store life, i was still spending a lot of nights in dorm rooms, and time stuck in my head imagining everyone hated me. in late 1998 i started working at the encore, and lovesick started and all sorts of things started happening and there was a dramatic change in how i looked at the world and how i felt about myself. the time making up the past four years has been equally explosively celebratory/care-free and exhaustively grueling. either all the way up and living life to it's fullest or completely depressed and really not able to function in a realistic way. i think the doctors call it "manic depression". but in the years 1998-2002 there have been literally hundreds of songs made, maybe thousands played, records, shows, changes, car crashes, first kisses, last kisses, real ideas, stands taken, failures colliding, hearts rocketing up higher than was ever before imaginable and souls sinking down to some sick depths that i used to laugh at other people for talking about. a lot of work has been done, and maybe in the next four years i'll see that it's just begun. i wish for that rather than thinking back on anything past as glory days or youth power time. this is all youth power time, and there's even more to do. it all sneaks up on you and soon it's all in black and white. the potential trick is to take yourself seriously enough to recognize that you have some sort of steering power in all grey areas and also that it's never too late to change your life or change yourself. being in a band that sells a lot of records will never be the aim. even being onehundredpercent happy and comfortable all the time isn't what i'm going for neccessarially, because there are easy and unfullfilling shortcuts to that route. being a better person is the aim, and as i've been told "Ain't nothing to it but to do it". so, let's continue. see you next fall. 11:38 p.m. - 5.11.02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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